I applied to a job the other day. Actually, night. It was more like midnight, actually. Every time I go on the computer after 9pm I say I will shut it off by 10...becomes 10:30...becomes 11...I started the application online. Then I needed to--oops--update my resume. Then I needed to write a cover letter. Which, thankfully, finally, has become easy. Interest, blah, blah, experience, blah, blah, problem-solving, blah blah, results-oriented, blah blah, asset to [firm or company nickname] team, blah blah. Hardest part is the signature--sincerely? Sounds too old and stuffy. Best regards? Sounds too casual. With warm regards? As opposed to my best stone-cold-bitch regards? Anyway, I went with warm regards. And I haven't heard anything back and it has literally been two days but now I am wondering if I should have done that.
But I am sooooo bored at work right now. There's just not enough work for my group. I will refrain from going on and on about this, because WHO CARES? I am also very worked up right now about being underpaid. Why did I go to law school so I could be bored and underpaid? Seriously, I need an answer to that question. And that's why I am--sort of--looking for a new job. I need to be PAID, or not bored. Both would certainly be nice, but I am also worried about being worked too much. Like anything over, mmm, 45, no make that 42 hours a week. So maybe being bored and underpaid is what I get and deserve with my laziness? I'm not really lazy. But I don't really like to work that hard for other people and I will make no apologies for not wanting to when I feel like most jobs involve meaningless crap that you do with people who think they are way more important than they are.
There is so much more to all of this, obviously, and I am not about to have another quarter-life, ahem third-of-life, crisis about what I want to be when I grow up. But anyway I think I need to really figure out if what I want is more money as a lawyer, or to not be a lawyer. (There is a third option to be a helping lawyer for a good cause, instead of a defense firm lawyer, but that will definitely mean not more money and may not ensure not bored-ness.) So that is the question. Not complicated or important at all.
. . .
In Mama-land, J took his first trip to the beach and he only tried to eat sand once. He played in the waves and stayed on his blanket in the sand and nursed and slept in my arms while I read my book and it was so, so wonderful. Perfect weather too. We went down for the day on Saturday and came back on Sunday night. It was a fun, spontaneous weekend that even included giving Senior road head on the way down. Just kidding. (Only I'm not. Just kidding.) We met up with my aunt and cousin and when I inquired about a vacancy at the motel where they were staying, they invited us to just stay in their room. J hogged the double bed that he and I shared while Senior slept on the couch. When I tried to move J over a few inches sometime shortly before dawn, he woke up and started babbling and crawling around and waking my aunt and cousin so we got up and went for a walk on the beach. Sunday was lovely too and we were so glad we stayed. My family used to go to the same place for years with our cousins so it was nostalgia mixed with the novelty of bringing my own little boy for the first time. Later on Sunday my other auntie arrived with her sister and we got to visit with them a bit and none of this was planned which made it so much more fun. But we wished we had remembered the volleyball and the camera.
In pumping news, I have experienced two blocked ducts since I decided I would cut back on nursing except I have not actually cut back on nursing. I am still pumping once a day in the afternoon and at this point, since J will be 11 months old in two days, I guess I am going for the full year. I feel this sort of sense of accomplishment but also a sort of resignation that I am continuing to breastfeed exclusively with an apprehension that I won't be able to stop at all! Because if everything goes according to plan I will be able to get pregnant immediately upon cessation of that mid-day nursing session. But clearly I have to stop nursing for that to happen. And then my job will pick up and I will get an uber-raise at the end of the year and my wardrobe will become amazing without shopping or trying on new clothes and I will lose the "last five" pounds of "nursing weight" and I will have time for things like sex and yoga. So stay tuned for that!
