I applied to a job the other day. Actually, night. It was more like midnight, actually. Every time I go on the computer after 9pm I say I will shut it off by 10...becomes 10:30...becomes 11...I started the application online. Then I needed to--oops--update my resume. Then I needed to write a cover letter. Which, thankfully, finally, has become easy. Interest, blah, blah, experience, blah, blah, problem-solving, blah blah, results-oriented, blah blah, asset to [firm or company nickname] team, blah blah. Hardest part is the signature--sincerely? Sounds too old and stuffy. Best regards? Sounds too casual. With warm regards? As opposed to my best stone-cold-bitch regards? Anyway, I went with warm regards. And I haven't heard anything back and it has literally been two days but now I am wondering if I should have done that.
But I am sooooo bored at work right now. There's just not enough work for my group. I will refrain from going on and on about this, because WHO CARES? I am also very worked up right now about being underpaid. Why did I go to law school so I could be bored and underpaid? Seriously, I need an answer to that question. And that's why I am--sort of--looking for a new job. I need to be PAID, or not bored. Both would certainly be nice, but I am also worried about being worked too much. Like anything over, mmm, 45, no make that 42 hours a week. So maybe being bored and underpaid is what I get and deserve with my laziness? I'm not really lazy. But I don't really like to work that hard for other people and I will make no apologies for not wanting to when I feel like most jobs involve meaningless crap that you do with people who think they are way more important than they are.
There is so much more to all of this, obviously, and I am not about to have another quarter-life, ahem third-of-life, crisis about what I want to be when I grow up. But anyway I think I need to really figure out if what I want is more money as a lawyer, or to not be a lawyer. (There is a third option to be a helping lawyer for a good cause, instead of a defense firm lawyer, but that will definitely mean not more money and may not ensure not bored-ness.) So that is the question. Not complicated or important at all.
. . .
In Mama-land, J took his first trip to the beach and he only tried to eat sand once. He played in the waves and stayed on his blanket in the sand and nursed and slept in my arms while I read my book and it was so, so wonderful. Perfect weather too. We went down for the day on Saturday and came back on Sunday night. It was a fun, spontaneous weekend that even included giving Senior road head on the way down. Just kidding. (Only I'm not. Just kidding.) We met up with my aunt and cousin and when I inquired about a vacancy at the motel where they were staying, they invited us to just stay in their room. J hogged the double bed that he and I shared while Senior slept on the couch. When I tried to move J over a few inches sometime shortly before dawn, he woke up and started babbling and crawling around and waking my aunt and cousin so we got up and went for a walk on the beach. Sunday was lovely too and we were so glad we stayed. My family used to go to the same place for years with our cousins so it was nostalgia mixed with the novelty of bringing my own little boy for the first time. Later on Sunday my other auntie arrived with her sister and we got to visit with them a bit and none of this was planned which made it so much more fun. But we wished we had remembered the volleyball and the camera.
In pumping news, I have experienced two blocked ducts since I decided I would cut back on nursing except I have not actually cut back on nursing. I am still pumping once a day in the afternoon and at this point, since J will be 11 months old in two days, I guess I am going for the full year. I feel this sort of sense of accomplishment but also a sort of resignation that I am continuing to breastfeed exclusively with an apprehension that I won't be able to stop at all! Because if everything goes according to plan I will be able to get pregnant immediately upon cessation of that mid-day nursing session. But clearly I have to stop nursing for that to happen. And then my job will pick up and I will get an uber-raise at the end of the year and my wardrobe will become amazing without shopping or trying on new clothes and I will lose the "last five" pounds of "nursing weight" and I will have time for things like sex and yoga. So stay tuned for that!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Three Things I Want to Rant About
Then I will talk about them in more detail later. But for now...the list:
1. Let's stop talking about "leaning in." All of us. Oh wait, only we women are the ones talking about it. Exactly my point.
2. My breasts cannot be playthings and useful things at the same time. Sorry, Senior. Back off.
3. When did "women" become an adjective? Imagine this sentence instead. "The courtroom was clamoring with men lawyers trying to prepare their clients before the session began."
1. Let's stop talking about "leaning in." All of us. Oh wait, only we women are the ones talking about it. Exactly my point.
2. My breasts cannot be playthings and useful things at the same time. Sorry, Senior. Back off.
3. When did "women" become an adjective? Imagine this sentence instead. "The courtroom was clamoring with men lawyers trying to prepare their clients before the session began."
Friday, August 9, 2013
Friday Night Random Post
Is it still World Breastfeeding Week, or whatever? Because I do tend to talk about breastfeeding and my breasts quite a bit, but not this week. Yet.
I'm still breastfeeding. Bebe will be 10 months old next week. I am still pumping at work, but down to one pumping per day, in the afternoon. It is much more tolerable this way, plus J is eating a lot of food and starting to lose interest in daytime feedings anyway. But I have a lot of milk in the freezer, so...naturally...I started thinking...that I want to make cheese out of my breastmilk.
I know that some people might find this to be really gross. But my question is: Why? What could be grosser than drinking milk from a cow? (Drinking milk from a human.)
I have to be honest, though, when J was just born and I tried the milk I thought it was super gross. It had like this soapy taste to me. I thought it smelled weird too. But over time, I don't know if I just got used to it, or if the taste actually changed, or what, but now I think it smells like nothing and pretty much tastes the same way. So maybe it wouldn't make good cheese. But, I have to also confess to sticking my nose in a bottle with milk residue that had been left for a day or two, with the lid on. And it smelled like delicious, pungent cheese. I agree this is a little gross. But you have to agree that it's only gross in our heads, especially if we eat cheese made from the milk of other animals and think it's delicious.
I thought the last kerfuffle over this was over two years ago, but it seems to have cropped up again with the locavore movement. I will still be blogging about my new products, so stayed tuned.
I'm still breastfeeding. Bebe will be 10 months old next week. I am still pumping at work, but down to one pumping per day, in the afternoon. It is much more tolerable this way, plus J is eating a lot of food and starting to lose interest in daytime feedings anyway. But I have a lot of milk in the freezer, so...naturally...I started thinking...that I want to make cheese out of my breastmilk.
I know that some people might find this to be really gross. But my question is: Why? What could be grosser than drinking milk from a cow? (Drinking milk from a human.)
I have to be honest, though, when J was just born and I tried the milk I thought it was super gross. It had like this soapy taste to me. I thought it smelled weird too. But over time, I don't know if I just got used to it, or if the taste actually changed, or what, but now I think it smells like nothing and pretty much tastes the same way. So maybe it wouldn't make good cheese. But, I have to also confess to sticking my nose in a bottle with milk residue that had been left for a day or two, with the lid on. And it smelled like delicious, pungent cheese. I agree this is a little gross. But you have to agree that it's only gross in our heads, especially if we eat cheese made from the milk of other animals and think it's delicious.
I thought the last kerfuffle over this was over two years ago, but it seems to have cropped up again with the locavore movement. I will still be blogging about my new products, so stayed tuned.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
My Big Mouth
After a very long pre-nap, during which J nursed for over 30 minutes, then cried for a few minutes in his crib, babbled to himself for 43 minutes, and cried for six more minutes, J is napping. So I am blogging.
Work, in a nutshell, is a little bit busier so I am not bored for now but we are still operating at only partial capacity. I have a meeting next week with the guys with whom I WILL be starting the gym, so we are moving ahead and it's not close enough to be scary that I will be giving up a stable (?) job so it's really exciting.
Lawyering deserves an update. I was sent to argue against a motion that defense counsel made in a completely separate matter from what I normally do. (I have found another partner to feed me at least a little bit of work food.) Normally I am in workers' compensation court, where the hearing rooms are often found atop grocery stores in strip malls, in breezeways off the backs of doctors' offices, or in other low-slung, ugly, and always unmarked office buildings, usually off of parking lots in need of repaving. There are signs on the bathroom stalls in these facilities that say "Do Not Steal the Toilet Paper." I am not making this up.
But last week I was in "real court," in a real courthouse on a case in the Court of Common Pleas (trial court in PA). I was standing in for the lead attorney/partner on a products liability case he brought on behalf of a plaintiff who suffered very serious injuries in a 40-foot fall from a tree while doing arbor work. Defense counsel wanted to amend his pleading (answer to the complaint--or lawsuit--filed by plaintiff) to include the defense that plaintiff was engaging in "highly reckless" conduct at the time of the fall. He wasn't, and I was there to argue against the motion because the case is almost to decision stage. First off, I didn't even know which side of the courtroom to sit on. The clerk said plaintiff is alwasy on the side of the jury box. Ah ha! Totally makes sense. But in comp court, it can be either side, depending on the judge. I thought I had it figured out that defense sits on the side of the court reporter, claimant on the side of the witness box, and then the next time I went to a hearing before this one judge I sat on the wrong side. So it's not like I'm new to embarrassing moments as a newb attorney.
It was defendant's motion, so he spoke first, and then I would have a chance to respond. From the very beginning, the judge was completely against him. The judge thought the attorney was missing his point, and that they were talking past each other. At one point he pulled out the Rules of Civil Procedure book to ask the attorney to show him where in the book it said what the attorney was saying. Numerous times I just shook my head in agreement and felt VERY BAD for the guy across the aisle. So I know the motion is going to be decided in my favor. I KNOW it. I don't just think it. And given this fact, you would think I also would know better than to open my mouth to say anything. Anything at all. Why would I do that? Well, let me tell you why. Because I am a lawyer. Goddammit. And I'm like, I drove over an hour and paid five dollars to park and I'll be driving another hour back, and we charge all that to the client and all I did was sit there and nod and look serious? I mean, there is a reason certain people become litigators and it is not because they like to sit back and NOT TALK. So I spoke. Against all better reason, I spoke.
"Your Honor? May I just explain...?"
"That's ridiculous. Who told you that?" --"The partner who sent you here? Is he a testifying expert in this matter, ma'am?" --"You shouldn't come here to tell me that." --"That's a reflection on your partner. We've all been in your shoes, ma'am, that's not a reflection on you." (This he says with one hand on the door to leave the courtroom.) Well...shew? I only just threw my partner under the bus?
Let me first say that I LEARNED MY LESSON to STFU. Oh, yes I did. Especially when nothing I say will change the judge's mind and more important because I don't want to change his mind. He was already deciding in my favor. Buuuut, he made some comments that I thought, you know, were not true about (my understanding) of the case, and I thought, you know, for the record, I should say something. And of course the other side was saying some stuff that I wanted to rebut. Again, why? Because I like to talk. That's why. Not a good reason. Not a good reason at all.
What else did I learn? That you can usually at least try to find a positive thing to have come out of a generally bad (well, not really, we won the motion) situation. So I was able to share some insight about the judge's view of the plaintiff's behavior in this case, that it was negligent because...
Also, I told the partner exactly what happens so he is warned when he goes before this judge next and the judge says god knows what about what happened at that oral argument!
...
Now...what else? Apparently Friday night is J's "cheat" night when it comes to his otherwise pretty good sleeping habits. Two Fridays in a row he has been up past 11pm. Last week my parents tried to put him to bed so Senior and I could play some sand volleyball and go out for a drink after. Drink after was canceled when my dad texted to say J was still awake at 10:07 as we were headingto the bar home. Two nights ago he went down so nicely around 7:30 (early!) and I got all my stuff together to go down to a friend's house so we could all get up before daybreak the next day to begin a 90-mile relay race across New Jersey. (I blame this on my big mouth, too. I guess I "committed" to running when I told the organizer that I hadn't been running at all but sure why not? I thought they were going to say they didn't want my slack-ass on their team.) Well, he woke up before I could leave, I pulled him out of his crib to nurse him some more and then he was AWAKE. I just left him for Senior to deal with, and later found out that he finally went down sometime around midnight. WTF? Then Saturday he had a long nap and went to bed normally at 8. We were/are considering the 6:30 bedtime regime for at least a little while, especially given these occasional regular night owl episodes, but I don't know. That seems so early. Sometimes I don't even get home from work until 6:30 (of course, though not that much lately as you can imagine), and how can we eat/bath/go for a walk or do anything together as a family?
So anyway, sleeping adventures continue to be just that, but overall we're a pretty happy and well-rested bunch. Except for the three hours I got the night before the race,* after a few of us sat up drinking and catching up. Senior is so good to me...he took J after I fed him this morning at about 6:30/7 until 8:30. Then he was like "Later!" and took off 6.5 hours early for the Phillies game tonight.
*More race-y for some than others. I ran a 6-mile leg and a 5.5-mile leg. I think the last time I ran 6 miles in a row was...sometime less than two years ago. But the last time I was really in shape was 4 years ago, thanks to two pregnancies^ and the bar exam in 2010, I haven't been running that much in quite some time. I am sore today, but it's not terrible, and I am happy to report that I averaged about a 9:30/9:40 pace on both legs. I was shooting or anything under 10-minute miles).
^I have one living child born in October 2012 and a first pregnancy that ended at 25 weeks, 3 days in August 2011. A lot of my thoughts on children and pregnancies are colored by this loss that was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Because I want THIS blog to be more accessible and light and funny, I have kept this story separate on another blog. If you would like to read it, though, send me an email and I will share the link.
Work, in a nutshell, is a little bit busier so I am not bored for now but we are still operating at only partial capacity. I have a meeting next week with the guys with whom I WILL be starting the gym, so we are moving ahead and it's not close enough to be scary that I will be giving up a stable (?) job so it's really exciting.
Lawyering deserves an update. I was sent to argue against a motion that defense counsel made in a completely separate matter from what I normally do. (I have found another partner to feed me at least a little bit of work food.) Normally I am in workers' compensation court, where the hearing rooms are often found atop grocery stores in strip malls, in breezeways off the backs of doctors' offices, or in other low-slung, ugly, and always unmarked office buildings, usually off of parking lots in need of repaving. There are signs on the bathroom stalls in these facilities that say "Do Not Steal the Toilet Paper." I am not making this up.
But last week I was in "real court," in a real courthouse on a case in the Court of Common Pleas (trial court in PA). I was standing in for the lead attorney/partner on a products liability case he brought on behalf of a plaintiff who suffered very serious injuries in a 40-foot fall from a tree while doing arbor work. Defense counsel wanted to amend his pleading (answer to the complaint--or lawsuit--filed by plaintiff) to include the defense that plaintiff was engaging in "highly reckless" conduct at the time of the fall. He wasn't, and I was there to argue against the motion because the case is almost to decision stage. First off, I didn't even know which side of the courtroom to sit on. The clerk said plaintiff is alwasy on the side of the jury box. Ah ha! Totally makes sense. But in comp court, it can be either side, depending on the judge. I thought I had it figured out that defense sits on the side of the court reporter, claimant on the side of the witness box, and then the next time I went to a hearing before this one judge I sat on the wrong side. So it's not like I'm new to embarrassing moments as a newb attorney.
It was defendant's motion, so he spoke first, and then I would have a chance to respond. From the very beginning, the judge was completely against him. The judge thought the attorney was missing his point, and that they were talking past each other. At one point he pulled out the Rules of Civil Procedure book to ask the attorney to show him where in the book it said what the attorney was saying. Numerous times I just shook my head in agreement and felt VERY BAD for the guy across the aisle. So I know the motion is going to be decided in my favor. I KNOW it. I don't just think it. And given this fact, you would think I also would know better than to open my mouth to say anything. Anything at all. Why would I do that? Well, let me tell you why. Because I am a lawyer. Goddammit. And I'm like, I drove over an hour and paid five dollars to park and I'll be driving another hour back, and we charge all that to the client and all I did was sit there and nod and look serious? I mean, there is a reason certain people become litigators and it is not because they like to sit back and NOT TALK. So I spoke. Against all better reason, I spoke.
"Your Honor? May I just explain...?"
"That's ridiculous. Who told you that?" --"The partner who sent you here? Is he a testifying expert in this matter, ma'am?" --"You shouldn't come here to tell me that." --"That's a reflection on your partner. We've all been in your shoes, ma'am, that's not a reflection on you." (This he says with one hand on the door to leave the courtroom.) Well...shew? I only just threw my partner under the bus?
Let me first say that I LEARNED MY LESSON to STFU. Oh, yes I did. Especially when nothing I say will change the judge's mind and more important because I don't want to change his mind. He was already deciding in my favor. Buuuut, he made some comments that I thought, you know, were not true about (my understanding) of the case, and I thought, you know, for the record, I should say something. And of course the other side was saying some stuff that I wanted to rebut. Again, why? Because I like to talk. That's why. Not a good reason. Not a good reason at all.
What else did I learn? That you can usually at least try to find a positive thing to have come out of a generally bad (well, not really, we won the motion) situation. So I was able to share some insight about the judge's view of the plaintiff's behavior in this case, that it was negligent because...
Also, I told the partner exactly what happens so he is warned when he goes before this judge next and the judge says god knows what about what happened at that oral argument!
...
Now...what else? Apparently Friday night is J's "cheat" night when it comes to his otherwise pretty good sleeping habits. Two Fridays in a row he has been up past 11pm. Last week my parents tried to put him to bed so Senior and I could play some sand volleyball and go out for a drink after. Drink after was canceled when my dad texted to say J was still awake at 10:07 as we were heading
So anyway, sleeping adventures continue to be just that, but overall we're a pretty happy and well-rested bunch. Except for the three hours I got the night before the race,* after a few of us sat up drinking and catching up. Senior is so good to me...he took J after I fed him this morning at about 6:30/7 until 8:30. Then he was like "Later!" and took off 6.5 hours early for the Phillies game tonight.
*More race-y for some than others. I ran a 6-mile leg and a 5.5-mile leg. I think the last time I ran 6 miles in a row was...sometime less than two years ago. But the last time I was really in shape was 4 years ago, thanks to two pregnancies^ and the bar exam in 2010, I haven't been running that much in quite some time. I am sore today, but it's not terrible, and I am happy to report that I averaged about a 9:30/9:40 pace on both legs. I was shooting or anything under 10-minute miles).
^I have one living child born in October 2012 and a first pregnancy that ended at 25 weeks, 3 days in August 2011. A lot of my thoughts on children and pregnancies are colored by this loss that was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Because I want THIS blog to be more accessible and light and funny, I have kept this story separate on another blog. If you would like to read it, though, send me an email and I will share the link.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Hi from the Flight Deck
Sleep training update: oops, I was supposed to be sleep training. Taking the baby to Oregon (three hours away) did not help. I picked the baby out of his crib twice tonight, because he did not nurse himself into a passed-out stupor the first, I mean second, time I tried to put him down. At least he is not spending the entire night in our bed, like the night we got home from Oregon.
Breastfeeding/pumping update: I am still pumping once a day at work. My goal was to stop after Oregon, so I was still trying to ramp down production this week. I am fearing the change though, and I'm not sure I will actually stop pumping next week. I also feel like I need some time to get used to not eating whatever I want all the time (i.e. dessert with every meal). Will I have to reel myself in on the sweets-eating once I drop the daytime feeding?
Job update: I successfully settled my first case yesterday. Which means I am now down to one active file. The work is not pouring in yet. Funny thing, though--somehow my secretary is busier than ever with my boss' work. And yet, I have nothing to do. This probably means I am more likely, not less, to get laid off by the end of the year.
Next job update: Had a good meeting (and long lunch) today with my friend about starting a business. We are going to start writing the business plan soon, and are now gathering demographic information and plotting possible locations. We will have a brainstorm by Skype with our third partner currently in Colorado sometime in the next two weeks. I miss Colorado. I lived there for over seven years but now looking at it from the East Coast again, it still seems so cool and sexy.
What else?
I just ordered the "performance" version of the Ergo baby carrier. Nothing makes me happier than going for a walk carrying the baby. And carrying 19 pounds in the Baby Bjorn was making my shoulders, neck and back very, very sad. I can't wait to go hiking with the little guy strapped to my back!
I am part of a 90-mile relay run on August 3, and I will be responsible for two legs totaling 11.5 miles. Currently I'm good for at least 4.3. I don't look forward to you, August 4.
Breastfeeding/pumping update: I am still pumping once a day at work. My goal was to stop after Oregon, so I was still trying to ramp down production this week. I am fearing the change though, and I'm not sure I will actually stop pumping next week. I also feel like I need some time to get used to not eating whatever I want all the time (i.e. dessert with every meal). Will I have to reel myself in on the sweets-eating once I drop the daytime feeding?
Job update: I successfully settled my first case yesterday. Which means I am now down to one active file. The work is not pouring in yet. Funny thing, though--somehow my secretary is busier than ever with my boss' work. And yet, I have nothing to do. This probably means I am more likely, not less, to get laid off by the end of the year.
Next job update: Had a good meeting (and long lunch) today with my friend about starting a business. We are going to start writing the business plan soon, and are now gathering demographic information and plotting possible locations. We will have a brainstorm by Skype with our third partner currently in Colorado sometime in the next two weeks. I miss Colorado. I lived there for over seven years but now looking at it from the East Coast again, it still seems so cool and sexy.
What else?
I just ordered the "performance" version of the Ergo baby carrier. Nothing makes me happier than going for a walk carrying the baby. And carrying 19 pounds in the Baby Bjorn was making my shoulders, neck and back very, very sad. I can't wait to go hiking with the little guy strapped to my back!
I am part of a 90-mile relay run on August 3, and I will be responsible for two legs totaling 11.5 miles. Currently I'm good for at least 4.3. I don't look forward to you, August 4.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
LLL's Mom of the Year
Ahhhh, for 40 minutes today I sat by the pool and read my book and then went for a dip...all by myself. It's funny, though, I missed Senior because I had no one to play games with in the pool. I'm reading The Awakening, and it gives me this nostalgic, childhood summer feeling. I keep daydreaming of going to live at the beach with J and not working and just doing arty things and taking naps and day drinking. I guess that is everyone's fantasy. And yes, I know what happens in the book and I suppose I needn't be so envious of Edna's lifestyle.
Last week was my first "cut back on pumping at work" week. I looked to the interwebs to get some advice for not pumping at work but still nursing. You know what I found? A few stories on La Leche League's website about working mothers who didn't pump at work. I'm like, oh good, I found what I'm looking for. Let's see...have your husband bring your baby to work? Get real, people! Seriously, that was the way that these three women avoided pumping at work. Why didn't I think of that?
I didn't really have an opinion about La Leche League, but now I do. Basically I now think anything they say has been discredited by this little bit of advice. So anyway, back to my first week of cutting back on pumping. No blocked ducts. At least one day of only one pumping. I can't really remember now, but one pumping per day was my goal. So I was successful at at least 20%. Friday Senior brought the baby to work and I avoided a second pumping by feeding the baby. Thanks, La Leche League! (It was Friday and I didn't have anything else to do.)
What else happened this weekend? Oh yeah, J fell off the bed while I was in the bathroom. I left him between two pillows WITH HIS DAD IN THE BED. I came out of the bathroom and Senior was standing on the other side of the bed, holding J and scolding me for leaving him unattended. One pillow was on the floor, and we suspect that J fell onto the pillow because he barely whimpered a few times and then he looked at me and smiled. Later in the day he rolled over onto a toy on the floor and screamed his head off. Maybe he's the next bungee-jumper in the family, like his mom. But anyway, I tell that story so that no one's surprised when I don't win mom of the year award for 2013.
I may or may not (ha!) have mentioned how I am not busy at work right now, so I hope I don't forget to drive straight to a hearing tomorrow morning. It will take 53 minutes, or an hour and 53 minutes, depending on traffic and construction. Awesome. Last week I went to a Phillies game and by leaving at 5:00 managed to make it in two and a half hours, which is only about two and half times as long as it's supposed to take. That made me not so sad to live in my crappy hometown where it takes me 12-15 minutes to get to work and that three-minute variation doesn't depend on traffic, but on how fast I drive.
Sigh. More about misadventures in parenting, my crappy hometown, and how I suck at my job later. I have a 10:15 computer curfew tonight, and true to form I am late. Ciao for now.
Last week was my first "cut back on pumping at work" week. I looked to the interwebs to get some advice for not pumping at work but still nursing. You know what I found? A few stories on La Leche League's website about working mothers who didn't pump at work. I'm like, oh good, I found what I'm looking for. Let's see...have your husband bring your baby to work? Get real, people! Seriously, that was the way that these three women avoided pumping at work. Why didn't I think of that?
I didn't really have an opinion about La Leche League, but now I do. Basically I now think anything they say has been discredited by this little bit of advice. So anyway, back to my first week of cutting back on pumping. No blocked ducts. At least one day of only one pumping. I can't really remember now, but one pumping per day was my goal. So I was successful at at least 20%. Friday Senior brought the baby to work and I avoided a second pumping by feeding the baby. Thanks, La Leche League! (It was Friday and I didn't have anything else to do.)
What else happened this weekend? Oh yeah, J fell off the bed while I was in the bathroom. I left him between two pillows WITH HIS DAD IN THE BED. I came out of the bathroom and Senior was standing on the other side of the bed, holding J and scolding me for leaving him unattended. One pillow was on the floor, and we suspect that J fell onto the pillow because he barely whimpered a few times and then he looked at me and smiled. Later in the day he rolled over onto a toy on the floor and screamed his head off. Maybe he's the next bungee-jumper in the family, like his mom. But anyway, I tell that story so that no one's surprised when I don't win mom of the year award for 2013.
I may or may not (ha!) have mentioned how I am not busy at work right now, so I hope I don't forget to drive straight to a hearing tomorrow morning. It will take 53 minutes, or an hour and 53 minutes, depending on traffic and construction. Awesome. Last week I went to a Phillies game and by leaving at 5:00 managed to make it in two and a half hours, which is only about two and half times as long as it's supposed to take. That made me not so sad to live in my crappy hometown where it takes me 12-15 minutes to get to work and that three-minute variation doesn't depend on traffic, but on how fast I drive.
Sigh. More about misadventures in parenting, my crappy hometown, and how I suck at my job later. I have a 10:15 computer curfew tonight, and true to form I am late. Ciao for now.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Declining Production
Oh hi. Me again.
J is eight months old now. I am so sick of pumping at work.
It distracts me from work (which, as we know, is not hard to do). My nips hurt. I haven't gotten my period yet and I want to try to get pregnant again soon. I only pumped once today at work, and I am having such conflicted feelings about it!
Maybe J needs milk. It's not that much longer, I should just stick it out. We're going on a few trips this summer and I should just be able to feed through those trips so I don't have to drag bottles around the country. That would only mean six more weeks. Totally doable. Sigh. I think I'm getting a blocked duct.
WHAT is the big deal? J eats lots of stuff now, and he's had formula once and it was fine. That was yesterday. I wanted to make sure I could stop pumping during the day before I actually did stop pumping during the day. The time I spend getting set up and cleaned up for/from pumping is worth more than the money we will spend on formula. I will still nurse before and after work and maybe during the day on weekends. Is that even possible, actually? Can I not nurse during the day weekdays, nurse during the day on weekends and still get my period? Because that would be ideal. I will nurse this kid until he's 10 if he wants to (kidding), but I am really ready to be done with it during the workday. Until now that I am trying to quit! Thoughts? Tips? Advice?
I will pump once a day for awhile (because I will have to) and see how that goes. Maybe that will be manageable and still allow me to be away from the baby for a day here and there without pumping and without getting too full. Because I have to admit, I would really like to get in a day of climbing. Not a dawn to dusk, ante-children kind of day. Just like 6-8 hours in a row. Fair enough?
So there's that. Then there is this little issue at work where...well...we don't have any. I am exaggerating. Less than I would like. This is a temporary issue, one can hope, but in the meantime my workload is going to decrease and the quality of the assignments is about to drop significantly. I have two files of my own. Two files. Then all the files I have been "seconding" my boss on--writing briefs, keeping tabs on, writing memos and filings for the court, calling adjusters and adversaries--are being reassigned so that everyone on the team has some work and no one gets let go. I don't know how long this can last. I am most junior in the group, so my work will become the suckiest. Aside from my two files I may only be summarizing transcripts and medical records. Those are the tasks I try my best to avoid doing, even though it is billable hours. It's work that my paralegal should get. I am good at writing briefs! I would just like to say for the record. Maybe I can fight for a share of the "good" work. But maybe there isn't enough to go around. Ugh.
So there is some writing on the wall. I believe I have some options. But I will have to get to work finding another spot for myself in the firm, or bringing in some new clients. It's not because of anything I did (I am told). But it is because of something someone else did, and it just stinks that I will suffer most. It also stinks that our rent is going up.
Why must our rent be going up? I hear because the vacancy rate is low where we live. How is that possible? I live in my crappy hometown! We've been looking for a house to rent, but they are all just OK. Actually this one updated farmhouse was really nice, but sooo small and had one closet in the whole house. So it's like why bother to up and move all your crap to save maybe $2000 for the year, when the cost and pain of moving is worth about $1500? But now I'm afraid I may lose my job and my rent is going up. (Oh hey, Mom and Dad. Your new third floor looks nice.)
It's funny how on Tuesday I was stressing out from my job because I have been decently busy and completely clueless on my two files, and two days later that has all changed. I am also going to take a moment to admit that a small part of me is kind of glad that I have an excuse for not billing enough time. I am obsessed with billing (like any other firm associate). Seriously, I leave work, no matter what time, thinking I should not be leaving work. Then I get home and J starts crying because I am back and I wish I'd left work earlier. And I wonder how the hell to do this, but the thing is, I keep doing it. And now that I might not be able to keep doing it, I realize that I do want to keep doing it.
So that is a good thing, I guess. Unless there were a decent severance package and I could hang out with my kid and bake things and start the climbing gym. That would be an awesome thing.
J is eight months old now. I am so sick of pumping at work.
It distracts me from work (which, as we know, is not hard to do). My nips hurt. I haven't gotten my period yet and I want to try to get pregnant again soon. I only pumped once today at work, and I am having such conflicted feelings about it!
Maybe J needs milk. It's not that much longer, I should just stick it out. We're going on a few trips this summer and I should just be able to feed through those trips so I don't have to drag bottles around the country. That would only mean six more weeks. Totally doable. Sigh. I think I'm getting a blocked duct.
WHAT is the big deal? J eats lots of stuff now, and he's had formula once and it was fine. That was yesterday. I wanted to make sure I could stop pumping during the day before I actually did stop pumping during the day. The time I spend getting set up and cleaned up for/from pumping is worth more than the money we will spend on formula. I will still nurse before and after work and maybe during the day on weekends. Is that even possible, actually? Can I not nurse during the day weekdays, nurse during the day on weekends and still get my period? Because that would be ideal. I will nurse this kid until he's 10 if he wants to (kidding), but I am really ready to be done with it during the workday. Until now that I am trying to quit! Thoughts? Tips? Advice?
I will pump once a day for awhile (because I will have to) and see how that goes. Maybe that will be manageable and still allow me to be away from the baby for a day here and there without pumping and without getting too full. Because I have to admit, I would really like to get in a day of climbing. Not a dawn to dusk, ante-children kind of day. Just like 6-8 hours in a row. Fair enough?
So there's that. Then there is this little issue at work where...well...we don't have any. I am exaggerating. Less than I would like. This is a temporary issue, one can hope, but in the meantime my workload is going to decrease and the quality of the assignments is about to drop significantly. I have two files of my own. Two files. Then all the files I have been "seconding" my boss on--writing briefs, keeping tabs on, writing memos and filings for the court, calling adjusters and adversaries--are being reassigned so that everyone on the team has some work and no one gets let go. I don't know how long this can last. I am most junior in the group, so my work will become the suckiest. Aside from my two files I may only be summarizing transcripts and medical records. Those are the tasks I try my best to avoid doing, even though it is billable hours. It's work that my paralegal should get. I am good at writing briefs! I would just like to say for the record. Maybe I can fight for a share of the "good" work. But maybe there isn't enough to go around. Ugh.
So there is some writing on the wall. I believe I have some options. But I will have to get to work finding another spot for myself in the firm, or bringing in some new clients. It's not because of anything I did (I am told). But it is because of something someone else did, and it just stinks that I will suffer most. It also stinks that our rent is going up.
Why must our rent be going up? I hear because the vacancy rate is low where we live. How is that possible? I live in my crappy hometown! We've been looking for a house to rent, but they are all just OK. Actually this one updated farmhouse was really nice, but sooo small and had one closet in the whole house. So it's like why bother to up and move all your crap to save maybe $2000 for the year, when the cost and pain of moving is worth about $1500? But now I'm afraid I may lose my job and my rent is going up. (Oh hey, Mom and Dad. Your new third floor looks nice.)
It's funny how on Tuesday I was stressing out from my job because I have been decently busy and completely clueless on my two files, and two days later that has all changed. I am also going to take a moment to admit that a small part of me is kind of glad that I have an excuse for not billing enough time. I am obsessed with billing (like any other firm associate). Seriously, I leave work, no matter what time, thinking I should not be leaving work. Then I get home and J starts crying because I am back and I wish I'd left work earlier. And I wonder how the hell to do this, but the thing is, I keep doing it. And now that I might not be able to keep doing it, I realize that I do want to keep doing it.
So that is a good thing, I guess. Unless there were a decent severance package and I could hang out with my kid and bake things and start the climbing gym. That would be an awesome thing.
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