I guess I was overly ambitious about coming back to post on this blog. Story of my life, you guys. I have been having a hard time though with first off getting myself out the door at a reasonable hour in the morning, then "working" all day (I'm still--still--a little slow), then coming home after maybe a 20-minute workout at the gym or the stairway at work (emphasis on maybe), feeding the toddler, nursing the baby, playing with the toddler, bathing the toddler, nursing the baby to sleep, eating grown-up dinner (possibly prepared by one of us, or possibly our favorite burrito place), and staying up long enough to make it through half an episode of the Bachelor. Then go to bed at a decent hour because I am going to be awoken not once but twice in the night by a hungry, hungry 4-month old. So I don't have much time to spend on the computer which is very stimulating and makes your body think it's day time because then I can't fall asleep. And then I can't wake up at a reasonable hour and we are back to step one. I am already on a strict no-caffeine diet unless you count chocolate for being too stimulating. I've made an exception tonight for computer time because I really need to send out a resume for a new job and an email to my dad asking for money. See what I mean? I've been overly ambitious about how much simultaneous parenting and working I am capable of, about how much house to buy, about my ability to not buy one with mold and prior water problems, and about my general ability to not suck at life. I don't really feel like I am hitting rock bottom or anything, but now that I've spelled it out maybe I should. :)
On a lighter note, now that Fat Tuesday is mostly behind us, I am determined (in probably an overly-ambitious sort of way) to not eat any sugar for 5 days in a row. Ever since the baby was born I have been eating a ton of sweets. I say it has something to do with nursing, which I do believe, but it could also be the fact that I love sweets and always have and I can't recall any time in my life when I wasn't trying to cut back on my dessert intake. I've completed these no-sugar binges before so I know I can do it. Of course today I've totally overdone it, in anticipation of the Starve starting tomorrow. I wonder: if I eat enough ice cream to cause shivering in my 65-degree house (trying to save some dough, yo), does the shivering cancel out the calories in the ice cream? I'm going with yes.*
*One bite of it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Friday, January 30, 2015
A Year Ago or So
I was just reading over posts from my return to work after Junior was born and...HEY!!!...that was two years ago, not one, holy crap! Well anyway, there was a post about how my boss and I were mad at each other while working on an appellate brief, but that I thought we wrote a really good brief. And another post about how we won one at the trial level but that it would be appealed anyway. Well, we won both of those. In the latter case, Claimant's appeal was taken but the decision was affirmed at the administrative board level, and we won 2-1 on that appellate brief and the Supreme Court denied review, so that was actually a huge win for our client. We're talking a six-figure win. And a big win for me because the decision was one of very few that came down in the past year that was defense-oriented. It may have been the only one, actually. Yay, me! But what do I have to show for such successes? Nothing. I am still basically doing the same thing I was doing two and a half years ago when I started this job. I am super frustrated about this but I don't want to go on and on right now because I have to turn off the computer and start winding down (and processing the caffeine from the dark-chocolate covered pecans I just ate). Like every other topic I have mentioned in the last few posts, more later.
Life Is Not What-Not (edited title only)
As promised, it's time for a little boob talk. I've succumbed to the idea that LJ will be drinking some formula. In related news, I did just start cloth-diapering him. So, win some, lose some, Little Guy!
For the first three weeks back at work I pumped twice per day and was keeping up with his needs while I was gone. It was just. so. annoying. I made a plan to cut back at his 4-month birthday (or whatever you would call that). This week I reduced the pumping to once per day, with the goal being that by the end of next week I will not be pumping at all anymore. But you know, once per day is really not that bad. Although I can't believe I pumped for the whole year with Junior, especially after I learned that my friend pumps for 15-20 minutes and gets 10 ounces. It takes me two to three times that long! By the end of this week I was pumping at 2:00 for 30-35 minutes and getting 7-8 ounces. And as much as I hated pumping, of course, I didn't mind closing my door and having a little private time. So maybe I will keep this up for awhile? Maybe to six months? There is really no reason why I can't give my baby formula during the day. I guess I worry that I will lose my evening/night/morning supply if I cut all the way back during the day, because he is still so young. I thought I wasn't supposed to feel this much stress about breastfeeding with the second kid! I also think about the freedom of not nursing, and all the normal shirts I could wear. But then I think about the pregnant-looking muffin-top I have not tried to lose and now at least I have big boobs to counter balance it. Tried to not lose is more like it...I am embarrassed to even say how much sweets I eat just about every day. So maybe that's why I now sort of want to keep pumping: so I can keep eating whatever I want and not gain weight. I am probably getting one-third of my calories from chocolate and baked goods. Then I think if I stop nursing I a) won't be so hungry all the time, and b) will HAVE to eat better. That I will then actually lose the muffin top. The good news is I love vegetables and don't prefer fried food and almost never eat fast food, so aside from the abnormally excessive sweet tooth I have a good diet. But anyway...see how conflicted I am about breastfeeding? It's all very complicated. For some reason.
OK, so cloth diapers. We used a few so far, and by a few I mean that literally. I remember being so stressed about putting disposable diapers on Junior because of the chlorine and chemicals and whatever else that they are made with. Now I'm like, no shit, chemicals, how do you think a piece of paper absorbs all that liquid? But I did feel a little guilty about not even wanting to try the cloth because they did cost us like $400 and part of the reason for getting them was to save money on disposables, which doesn't exactly happen if you buy cloth diapers and put them away and use disposables. I don't know if we've already technically gotten our money's worth having used them almost exclusively with Junior for at least 6 months. Well, LJ leaks through his disposable diaper EVERY NIGHT and suddenly I remembered we have CLOTH DIAPERS. With extra hemp inserts. So I put one on, literally tonight for the first time. We'll see how it goes. He also blew out of two diapers in a row yesterday, though I was only present for the first one. They were both so bad that he actually had to have a bath after each one. He's a good sport though! So is Senior, who had a case of the pukes yesterday but had to deal with the second blow out all on his own.
Yeah, Junior and Senior were both sick this week, twice. They were puking on Monday, better by Tuesday, then Senior was puking again by Wednesday and Junior had to leave daycare early today due to diarrhea. He seems to be doing fine, Senior is back to normal, LJ has avoided it all and I am trying not to brag about my amazing immune system because so far I have avoided it all too. This winter has just really sucked with illnesses and cold and now snow and I wish we could just go outside more but we will have to be happy with running laps around the inside of the house instead I guess.
Speaking of the house...long story for another day. But generally speaking, though I love having wood floors on the second level, I would not buy another old house if given the opportunity (unless we're talking renovated farm house), mainly because I can't stand old house smell and I want to buy a new house now, please. (It's not mold, we had that remediated already. So, yeah, more on that later.)
For the first three weeks back at work I pumped twice per day and was keeping up with his needs while I was gone. It was just. so. annoying. I made a plan to cut back at his 4-month birthday (or whatever you would call that). This week I reduced the pumping to once per day, with the goal being that by the end of next week I will not be pumping at all anymore. But you know, once per day is really not that bad. Although I can't believe I pumped for the whole year with Junior, especially after I learned that my friend pumps for 15-20 minutes and gets 10 ounces. It takes me two to three times that long! By the end of this week I was pumping at 2:00 for 30-35 minutes and getting 7-8 ounces. And as much as I hated pumping, of course, I didn't mind closing my door and having a little private time. So maybe I will keep this up for awhile? Maybe to six months? There is really no reason why I can't give my baby formula during the day. I guess I worry that I will lose my evening/night/morning supply if I cut all the way back during the day, because he is still so young. I thought I wasn't supposed to feel this much stress about breastfeeding with the second kid! I also think about the freedom of not nursing, and all the normal shirts I could wear. But then I think about the pregnant-looking muffin-top I have not tried to lose and now at least I have big boobs to counter balance it. Tried to not lose is more like it...I am embarrassed to even say how much sweets I eat just about every day. So maybe that's why I now sort of want to keep pumping: so I can keep eating whatever I want and not gain weight. I am probably getting one-third of my calories from chocolate and baked goods. Then I think if I stop nursing I a) won't be so hungry all the time, and b) will HAVE to eat better. That I will then actually lose the muffin top. The good news is I love vegetables and don't prefer fried food and almost never eat fast food, so aside from the abnormally excessive sweet tooth I have a good diet. But anyway...see how conflicted I am about breastfeeding? It's all very complicated. For some reason.
OK, so cloth diapers. We used a few so far, and by a few I mean that literally. I remember being so stressed about putting disposable diapers on Junior because of the chlorine and chemicals and whatever else that they are made with. Now I'm like, no shit, chemicals, how do you think a piece of paper absorbs all that liquid? But I did feel a little guilty about not even wanting to try the cloth because they did cost us like $400 and part of the reason for getting them was to save money on disposables, which doesn't exactly happen if you buy cloth diapers and put them away and use disposables. I don't know if we've already technically gotten our money's worth having used them almost exclusively with Junior for at least 6 months. Well, LJ leaks through his disposable diaper EVERY NIGHT and suddenly I remembered we have CLOTH DIAPERS. With extra hemp inserts. So I put one on, literally tonight for the first time. We'll see how it goes. He also blew out of two diapers in a row yesterday, though I was only present for the first one. They were both so bad that he actually had to have a bath after each one. He's a good sport though! So is Senior, who had a case of the pukes yesterday but had to deal with the second blow out all on his own.
Yeah, Junior and Senior were both sick this week, twice. They were puking on Monday, better by Tuesday, then Senior was puking again by Wednesday and Junior had to leave daycare early today due to diarrhea. He seems to be doing fine, Senior is back to normal, LJ has avoided it all and I am trying not to brag about my amazing immune system because so far I have avoided it all too. This winter has just really sucked with illnesses and cold and now snow and I wish we could just go outside more but we will have to be happy with running laps around the inside of the house instead I guess.
Speaking of the house...long story for another day. But generally speaking, though I love having wood floors on the second level, I would not buy another old house if given the opportunity (unless we're talking renovated farm house), mainly because I can't stand old house smell and I want to buy a new house now, please. (It's not mold, we had that remediated already. So, yeah, more on that later.)
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
New Routine
Having two kids is not the same as having one. It's a lot harder. I guess I missed the memo on this, because I am having some trouble adjusting to being a working (pumping) mom of not one but two children. I used to think working part time was some sort of cop out, but now I totally get that a new mother might like to spend some time with her kids. I am lucky enough to have kids that sleep well and go to bed at a decent hour. But this means I hardly see them at all at the end of the work day! One night they were both asleep before 7:00. Seven! I am part proud and part appalled. That is not the norm, but LJ is pretty consistent with a 7/7:30 bedtime now. At his age Junior was still staying up until 11 every night. This is nice and yet difficult. I also thought that the assumption that a woman would not come back to work after having her second child was sexist BS. But again, I totally get it. I see how you can get to the end of the your second maternity leave, however long or short, and say it is just not worth it because you need more time to be with your newborn and there are a host of things you could also be doing with your older child.
I've only been back to work seven days, which I would call well within a reasonable adjustment period, but I am struggling with all that has to get done in a day before 7/7:30 each night and everything that doesn't get done after 7/7:30 each night. Like everything that does not involve eating or sleeping. Remember exercise? I think just last week I went to a yoga class and right now it feels like "never again." I thought tonight as I left work about I would do if I didn't have kids. Because leaving work at 5:40 like I did would seem quite early rather than too late to get another nursing session with LJ. I would definitely have gone to the gym or maybe a 6:00 cardio or yoga class, then afterward run an errand or met someone for a drink or dinner, come home and relaxed for a bit with something enjoyable to read.
I guess in a way I have done this because I ran circles around the house playing "chase" with Junior for 5 minutes and did one 10-second downward dog (cardio AND yoga), then met LJ for a drink (i.e. nursed him to sleep), had dinner with Senior (i.e. put some frozen perogies and chicken nuggets on a baking sheet and ate them standing up well after they cooled down because Sprout screamed his head off about going to bed and we were stuck in another room upstairs so as not to disturb him further by walking past his room), then read something enjoyable by fucking around on Facebook for a while. Actually I poked around on the New York Times which I do find actually enjoyable, in addition to Facebook time which I find pseudo enjoyable.
Overall, being back at work continues to be not as bad as I might have thought but I am realizing just how much another kid changes your life and how selfish I would really like to be. I received some advice today that "the world favors a 4-person family." If we decide to "go for the girl" we will have to go for another vehicle as well because my Mazda3 definitely does not accommodate3 car seats, and kids are in car seats these days until they are twelve. How much would another kid change my life and work life (and exercise ability)? If I go back to work after a third kid will I pump even less than I am pumping with the second? Teaser for my next post--we're going to start talking about my boobs again.
I've only been back to work seven days, which I would call well within a reasonable adjustment period, but I am struggling with all that has to get done in a day before 7/7:30 each night and everything that doesn't get done after 7/7:30 each night. Like everything that does not involve eating or sleeping. Remember exercise? I think just last week I went to a yoga class and right now it feels like "never again." I thought tonight as I left work about I would do if I didn't have kids. Because leaving work at 5:40 like I did would seem quite early rather than too late to get another nursing session with LJ. I would definitely have gone to the gym or maybe a 6:00 cardio or yoga class, then afterward run an errand or met someone for a drink or dinner, come home and relaxed for a bit with something enjoyable to read.
I guess in a way I have done this because I ran circles around the house playing "chase" with Junior for 5 minutes and did one 10-second downward dog (cardio AND yoga), then met LJ for a drink (i.e. nursed him to sleep), had dinner with Senior (i.e. put some frozen perogies and chicken nuggets on a baking sheet and ate them standing up well after they cooled down because Sprout screamed his head off about going to bed and we were stuck in another room upstairs so as not to disturb him further by walking past his room), then read something enjoyable by fucking around on Facebook for a while. Actually I poked around on the New York Times which I do find actually enjoyable, in addition to Facebook time which I find pseudo enjoyable.
Overall, being back at work continues to be not as bad as I might have thought but I am realizing just how much another kid changes your life and how selfish I would really like to be. I received some advice today that "the world favors a 4-person family." If we decide to "go for the girl" we will have to go for another vehicle as well because my Mazda3 definitely does not accommodate3 car seats, and kids are in car seats these days until they are twelve. How much would another kid change my life and work life (and exercise ability)? If I go back to work after a third kid will I pump even less than I am pumping with the second? Teaser for my next post--we're going to start talking about my boobs again.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Warning: Back to Work
I'm going back to work tomorrow after a 14-week leave. LJ just started sleeping like a champ at night, so at least there's that. I hope he won't miss me as much as I will miss him. I think I will come home for lunch tomorrow because he usually is ready to nurse between 12 and 1. I'm glad I have that luxury...I went to an interview on Friday for a job that would be 50 minutes away. The interview didn't go so great but at least I have a new perspective on my job now, which includes a 10-minute commute. More on all that later. For now, wish us luck! I have a feeling I will actually be posting more and not less often here. You've been warned.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
The Wean and the Aftermath
Right about the time that I was going to cut him off, Junior self-weaned in one abrupt episode of late-night crying and nipple-biting. We were down to morning and night nursings, and the sessions were gradually getting less important to both of us. I was going to continue through the end of the year and then stop completely so that I could get my cycle back and start trying to conceive again. I ended up getting a light period a few days before The Wean, and then a normal period 30 days later. Commence the ovulation testing! Yes, I am a complete spazz and required that Senior have sex with me at least 10 times around my predicted ovulation date. Thank god it worked because that was exhausting and stressful. And we only had to do that once. Much respect to those who are not so lucky. This was mid-January and made my due date October 11, which was pretty cool because Junior's birthday was October 15. I thought that making one birthday cake instead of two each year would be fun for mom and dad. All along I did have a feeling that LJ (who remained unnamed and un-nicknamed throughout the pregnancy) would be born in September though. So two cakes it is. Thankfully I like to bake.
Well, Junior never looked back and that was that. I didn't miss nursing as much as I thought I might. Freedom! I only now sort of wish I had spent a little more time not nursing and not pregnant. But then if I did that I would have wished my kids were closer together in age. There is no winning with myself when it comes to things like this. Or anything, actually. But anyway I feel pretty lucky that it was as painless as it was. (Except for that last night of nipple-biting.)
With this pregnancy, I told my boss I was pregnant at about 18 weeks when it was getting difficult to hide it anymore. I know it is risky business, but I had told two colleagues prior to telling the boss. They both kept the secret. When I told one of the secretaries, I actually asked her instead how long she had suspected I was pregnant. It was at least a few weeks. She had a gastric bypass surgery the year before and lost over 100 pounds, so she was very size-conscious and I had seen her checking me out over the weeks. I guess I was putting it off, but when I finally told my boss, he said, "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations! Every child is a blessing." Thank you for being a practicing Catholic! So that was really fine. I'm pretty sure he's still not convinced that I'm coming back to work next month, but whatever. He is sexist and the worst kind because he doesn't know it even when you try explaining it to him with concrete examples. Like this:
After a day in court I told him that opposing counsel said about me and in front of me to his client that "they aren't all that pretty." My retort was "Why be competent when you can be pretty?" And I thought that was a pretty good comeback, so I was telling him. Then he told me a story about being at a deposition with "a VERY good lady lawyer," whom he holds in high regard--he emphasized this repeatedly--but she was just too scowly while cross-examining the witness. He told her to smile more, that she was much better looking when she smiled. And he was taken aback by her reaction that he really ought to STFU. He was trying to explain that the other lawyer was really giving me a compliment. Duh, because being told you're pretty when you're trying to do your job that does not involve being pretty, is totally appropriate. The smile thing is so much worse even. But when I tried to explain why he just would not believe me that that is offensive. The point of saying that my boss is sexist is to say that he likes women in their womanly roles and therefore he doesn't mind when I tell him I'm pregnant. Maybe I should stay put and go for Baby #3.
There was nothing especially eventful about work with respect to this pregnancy, except maybe that I was supposed to drive an hour and a half to a deposition the day after the night my water broke. So I think that catches us up on the past year of weaning and pregnancy as it pertained to my job. Coming up...Wow, I can't believe they offered me that "opportunity" and other job woes.
Well, Junior never looked back and that was that. I didn't miss nursing as much as I thought I might. Freedom! I only now sort of wish I had spent a little more time not nursing and not pregnant. But then if I did that I would have wished my kids were closer together in age. There is no winning with myself when it comes to things like this. Or anything, actually. But anyway I feel pretty lucky that it was as painless as it was. (Except for that last night of nipple-biting.)
With this pregnancy, I told my boss I was pregnant at about 18 weeks when it was getting difficult to hide it anymore. I know it is risky business, but I had told two colleagues prior to telling the boss. They both kept the secret. When I told one of the secretaries, I actually asked her instead how long she had suspected I was pregnant. It was at least a few weeks. She had a gastric bypass surgery the year before and lost over 100 pounds, so she was very size-conscious and I had seen her checking me out over the weeks. I guess I was putting it off, but when I finally told my boss, he said, "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations! Every child is a blessing." Thank you for being a practicing Catholic! So that was really fine. I'm pretty sure he's still not convinced that I'm coming back to work next month, but whatever. He is sexist and the worst kind because he doesn't know it even when you try explaining it to him with concrete examples. Like this:
After a day in court I told him that opposing counsel said about me and in front of me to his client that "they aren't all that pretty." My retort was "Why be competent when you can be pretty?" And I thought that was a pretty good comeback, so I was telling him. Then he told me a story about being at a deposition with "a VERY good lady lawyer," whom he holds in high regard--he emphasized this repeatedly--but she was just too scowly while cross-examining the witness. He told her to smile more, that she was much better looking when she smiled. And he was taken aback by her reaction that he really ought to STFU. He was trying to explain that the other lawyer was really giving me a compliment. Duh, because being told you're pretty when you're trying to do your job that does not involve being pretty, is totally appropriate. The smile thing is so much worse even. But when I tried to explain why he just would not believe me that that is offensive. The point of saying that my boss is sexist is to say that he likes women in their womanly roles and therefore he doesn't mind when I tell him I'm pregnant. Maybe I should stay put and go for Baby #3.
There was nothing especially eventful about work with respect to this pregnancy, except maybe that I was supposed to drive an hour and a half to a deposition the day after the night my water broke. So I think that catches us up on the past year of weaning and pregnancy as it pertained to my job. Coming up...Wow, I can't believe they offered me that "opportunity" and other job woes.
Say, "Cheese!" Boob Cheese, That Is
Back in May I realized there was nothing to be done with a few bags
of leftover breastmilk because Junior had weaned in December. Nothing
except make cheese, that is! I enlisted my childhood friend and chef,
Ian Knauer, for a little cheese-making experiment. Ian assured me that
my surplus 40 of milk would be enough for an easy-peasy batch of ricotta. Below is
our recipe.
Step 1: shoot the shit with childhood friend whom you haven't seen in awhile. Because you forgot to defrost the milk ahead of time. (And because you want to catch up with your friend.)
Step 2: place defrosted milk in large Le Creuset pot and heat on stove. Add lemon juice and something else that I can't remember--probably salt. Stir frequently to prevent scorching and watch for curds to form. Add more lemon juice because curd is not forming. Ian comments that the fat content in human milk is obviously higher than in milk from other animals. We start to wonder if we're doing this right. Recipes on the Internet include a mix of about half cow's milk to go with the human milk. Apparently we are pioneers of the 100% natural, pure-breastmilk cheese movement.
Step 3: realize that the curd is very, very small and had been forming before we added too much lemon juice.
Step 4: strain milk into bowl, using a cheesecloth (actually, it was a tea towel) to catch the tiny curds and separate the curds and whey. According to even Ian, whey is disgusting, so discard whey (the watery part).
Step 5: eat your fresh-made ricotta with honey and peaches.
Step 6: allow ricotta to get quite old in fridge and gather a bit of mold, because you actually do not really like cheese made with your own breastmilk. Unless you are Ian, on the other hand, then enjoy fresh-made cheese within days of its preparation.
Happy cheese-making!*
*Any extra milk I have from the second kid, however, I am going to sell to grown men on the Internet. I am also making a sign that says "will pump for $$$." It's really too bad maternity leave ends on Monday.
Step 1: shoot the shit with childhood friend whom you haven't seen in awhile. Because you forgot to defrost the milk ahead of time. (And because you want to catch up with your friend.)
Step 2: place defrosted milk in large Le Creuset pot and heat on stove. Add lemon juice and something else that I can't remember--probably salt. Stir frequently to prevent scorching and watch for curds to form. Add more lemon juice because curd is not forming. Ian comments that the fat content in human milk is obviously higher than in milk from other animals. We start to wonder if we're doing this right. Recipes on the Internet include a mix of about half cow's milk to go with the human milk. Apparently we are pioneers of the 100% natural, pure-breastmilk cheese movement.
Step 3: realize that the curd is very, very small and had been forming before we added too much lemon juice.
Step 4: strain milk into bowl, using a cheesecloth (actually, it was a tea towel) to catch the tiny curds and separate the curds and whey. According to even Ian, whey is disgusting, so discard whey (the watery part).
 |
| Mmm, human milk cheese curds. |
 |
| Ian says, "Whey looks like pee." |
Step 5: eat your fresh-made ricotta with honey and peaches.
Step 6: allow ricotta to get quite old in fridge and gather a bit of mold, because you actually do not really like cheese made with your own breastmilk. Unless you are Ian, on the other hand, then enjoy fresh-made cheese within days of its preparation.
Happy cheese-making!*
*Any extra milk I have from the second kid, however, I am going to sell to grown men on the Internet. I am also making a sign that says "will pump for $$$." It's really too bad maternity leave ends on Monday.
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